: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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