Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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