I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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