In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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