youre lurking in front of me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize