Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
