So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
