There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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