I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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