Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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