Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He shit in the fireplace
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
