Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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