Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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