we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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