Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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