I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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