I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
