good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
