Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize