to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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