This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
