Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
