Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
