I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He? As in you personified your dick?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
