3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
