Nicole vs. Life
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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