Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
