Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
