my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
