Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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