a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We have started to decorate penises.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
