Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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