Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
