Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
