Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
