what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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