I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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