I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
