sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
