I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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