apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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