Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
