So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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