Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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