Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
