I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
