Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
