I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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