did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
