we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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