i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
