Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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