i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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