She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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