Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is it because I queefed?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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