At least make sure they are 18
Why
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
