what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
