well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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