I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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