my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
