Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
And then he peed in my hair
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