Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
