Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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