I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I will die if light touches me.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize