I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
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