dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize