She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
