Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize